all about the emmy's

This morning at an obscenely early press conference, the 58th annual Primetime Emmy Awards were announced. They are as follows:

Drama Series:

Grey's Anatomy, ABC
House, Fox
The Sopranos, HBO
24, Fox
The West Wing, NBC

Comedy Series:

Arrested Development, Fox
Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
The Office, NBC
Scrubs, NBC
Two and a Half Men, CBS

Miniseries:

Bleak House (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS
Elizabeth I, HBO
Into the West, TNT
Sleeper Cell, Showtime

Made-for-TV Movie:

Flight 93, A&E
The Flight That Fought Back, Discovery Channel
The Girl in the Cafe, HBO
Mrs. Harris, HBO
Yesterday, HBO

Variety, Music or Comedy Series:

The Colbert Report, Comedy Central
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Comedy Central
Late Night With Conan O'Brien, NBC
Late Show With David Letterman, CBS
Real Time With Bill Maher, HBO

Actor, Drama Series:

Denis Leary, Rescue Me, FX Network
Peter Krause, Six Feet Under, HBO
Kiefer Sutherland, 24, Fox
Martin Sheen, The West Wing, NBC

Actress, Drama Series:

Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer, TNT
Geena Davis, Commander in Chief, ABC
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, NBC
Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under, HBO
Allison Janney, The West Wing, NBC

Supporting Actor, Drama Series:

William Shatner, Boston Legal, ABC
Oliver Platt, Huff, Showtime
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos, HBO
Gregory Itzin, 24, Fox
Alan Alda, The West Wing, NBC

Supporting Actress, Drama Series:

Candice Bergen, Boston Legal, ABC
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Blythe Danner, Huff, Showtime
Jean Smart, 24, Fox

Actor, Comedy Series:

Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
Kevin James, The King of Queens, CBS
Tony Shalhoub, Monk, USA
Steve Carell, The Office, NBC
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men, CBS

Actress, Comedy Series:

Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback, HBO
Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm in the Middle, Fox
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine, CBS
Stockard Channing, Out of Practice, CBS
Debra Messing, Will & Grace, NBC

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series:

Will Arnett, Arrested Development, Fox
Jeremy Piven, Entourage, HBO
Bryan Cranston, Malcolm in the Middle, Fox
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men, CBS
Sean Hayes, Will & Grace, NBC

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series:

Cheryl Hines, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
Alfre Woodard, Desperate Housewives, ABC
Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl, ABC
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds, Showtime
Megan Mullally, Will & Grace, NBC

Actor, Miniseries or a Movie:

Charles Dance, Bleak House (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS
Donald Sutherland, Human Trafficking, Lifetime
Ben Kingsley, Mrs. Harris, HBO
Jon Voight, Pope John Paul II, CBS
Andre Braugher, Thief, FX Network

Actress, Miniseries or a Movie:

Kathy Bates, Ambulance Girl, Lifetime
Gillian Anderson, Bleak House (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS
Helen Mirren, Elizabeth I, HBO
Judy Davis, A Little Thing Called Murder, Lifetime
Annette Bening, Mrs. Harris, HBO

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or a Movie:

Denis Lawson, Bleak House (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS
Hugh Dancy, Elizabeth I, HBO
Jeremy Irons, Elizabeth I, HBO
Robert Carlyle, Human Trafficking, Lifetime
Clifton Collins Jr., Thief, FX Network

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or a Movie:

Kelly Macdonald, The Girl in the Cafe, HBO
Shirley Jones, Hidden Places, Hallmark
Ellen Burstyn, Mrs. Harris, HBO
Cloris Leachman, Mrs. Harris, HBO
Alfre Woodard, The Water Is Wide (Hallmark Hall of Fame Presentation), CBS

First of all, congratulations to HBO! They received a staggering 95 total nods, and are followed by ABC which garnered 64 nomiations.

Now, as many probably heard this year, the Emmy's implemented a new nominating procedure that was intended to open up the Emmy's to previously snubbed performances and shows. Many were citing the new system as "the Lauren Graham rule", because it was widely expected that the nominationally-challenged actress would finally receive the credit she so richly deserves. This morning, many were proven wrong.

It probably doesn't help Lauren Graham that she's on a WB television show, and that the Seventh Sign of the Apocalypse is anything on the WB receiving anything other than a Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award. Remember, the WB is the network that used to have a cartoon frog dancing around in a top hat and tails. It was real, and it wasn't pretty.

Also unpretty is the total shut-out for all the leading talent of Desperate Housewives, which didn't even receive so much as a nomination for Outstanding Comedy Series. Though it probably didn't help that the show was NOT FUNNY this season. Not at all. Not even a little. Not even when I was high (then it was just frightening). Big changes are expected for next season, including Teri Hatcher's replacement by a sock puppet named "Flopsy".

ABC is also probably smarting from the lack of nominations it received for LOST in any major category, but again I'm forced to cite the "Your Show Sucked Balls in its Sophmore Season Rule". Seriously, the season finale? What was that even? Ugh.

On a different note, I was thrilled to see Peter Krause and Frances Conroy's nomitations for Six Feet Under, which will live forever in my heart as one of the Best Shows in the Known Universe. Though I must note that Lauren Ambrose was certainly overlooked -- perhaps for her age -- and truly deserved a nomination more than any other actor on the series this season, as her performance was like a shining beacon of humanity that lodged itself in my viscera and took me on the most incredible journey. However, on the whole, the entire cast of this show was always sublime, and I will miss their inspired, brilliant, revelatory work.

Also, it's great to see that Grey's Anatomy was shown some preliminary love by the Gods of Emmy. Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson deserve the recognition they received, though I believe every woman on that show deserved a nomination for their stellar second season-- which was a real tour-de-force, if you'll pardon the cheesiness of the expression. I especially admired Ellen Pompeo this year, who dared to take the role of Meredith everywhere that was demanded of her-- even to the point of the obnoxious leading heroine that viewers began to despise. Equally glowing, I believe, was Kate Walsh's indelebly delicious Addison, stranded between her strength and loneliness. Both Ellen and Kate's performances were beautifully human, which is the real reason I love Grey's, because it showcases such vulnerable humanity.

Also, congratulations are due to Donald Sutherland and Robert Carlyle on their nominations for their fine work in Lifetime's Human Trafficking. For anyone who didn't catch the billboards or commercials, Human Trafficking is the true story of Mira Sorvino going "undercover" as a whore [or mail-order-bride or something] to catch "thieves" that buy and sell young girls. That is NOT a joke. So don't laugh. Not even a little. It should be noted that Mira Sorvino was not nominated because she's already received an Oscar for playing a whore (Mighty Aphrodite, 1996), and everybody knows that once you get an Oscar for playing something like a whore or a retard, it's just second nature. Take Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump for example. No one knew it before then, but Tom Hanks is actually a little slow in the head. Touched, if you will.

Oh! Be sure to cross your fingers for Arrested Devolopment, because even though it's dead, it's still owed some major awards love for being the most intelligent ensemble comedy EVER created. Too bad it had to be on Fox, "where great television goes to die".

So before I wrap this up, I just want to say, Stockard Channing for Out of Practice? What. The. Fuck!? Ditto Charlie Sheen for Two and a Half Men, which I think should be re-christened "Shit Shitty Shit Shit". But mostly, I'm just happy that Doris Fucking Roberts cannot win another award for that awful piece of shit show that was on for 9 seasons too many. Seriously, take another little piece of my heart now baby.

Next year, maybe the nominations will be better. One can always hope...